My name is Ibukun, you can just call me…
I got married at 25, finished my PhD at 27 and became a Professor at 40.
So fast you see! Yes, everything around me worked fast. It is now that I realise that it was a misplaced priority.
My ambition blindfolded me and I got it all wrong, that is why I am sharing my experience through this medium to warn and encourage our young mothers not to be careless as I was back then.
I worked very hard as a lecturer and as an administrator, always so busy that it became my language to my children…”I’m busy”.
My mum was around to nurse the children for me for some time. The moment they clocked ten, I sent them to boarding schools, though my husband was not in support of this. I always found my way.
I had no warm relationship with my children, 2 boys and a girl.
I never knew it was a bad idea not to have time for my husband, children and the household, until 5 years ago, when guilt, loneliness and restlessness filled my heart.
I sent for my children to rejoice with me on my 60th birthday.
The two boys, living in Canada said they are “busy” and that their sister will come down from South Africa.
Two days to my birthday, my daughter sent this message to me, “Mum, I am very sorry not to be around over there, there is no time to squeeze out, my husband needs my attention at his newly established clinic and presently, I’m pregnant. “I’m very very busy,
I’m also lonely in a strange land. Please pray for us mum. Happy birthday”. I could not recover from the meaning I got from the message… “First-things-First”. When they needed me for warmth and discussion, I was not available, now I needed them for warmth and discussion I could not get them, rather they returned my slogan back to me, “I’m busy”
To worsen the matter, my dear husband died in his sleep a month after… Only one of the children came without his family to the burial ceremony.
I was dumbfounded!!! Considered Opinion: it is good to work and be a hard working fellow.
But hear this important and salient truth:
Parenting is sacrificial work, give it all it takes. Avoid any work that will take away your attention too much from your home - Avoid it and be careful!
Solidify your home first, create time for your spouse and children.
Establish the fear of God in their hearts through your attitude and behaviour.
Though it is costly now, the future reward is worth it.
This is an eye opener for both men and women.
Let’s be selflessly available when our children need us.