Love is blind is an over-flogged phrase. But is itâŠ
âDad, can you loan me N500,000?,â Kola asked his father.
âWhat for son?,â his father asked.
âFor my wedding.
âBy our calculations, weâre falling short meeting the cost.â
Kola had come to meet his parents with his fiancĂ©.
âHow much is the total cost of the wedding?,â his father asked.
âWeâre thinking of starting the committee next week.
âWe can together give about N800,000 and expect our friends to help us raise about N2 million.
âI remember you told me if ever I need help, I can come to you,â Kola answered.
His father held him by the shoulder and said, âGo get your wife and come meet me in my study room.â
âYes, dad,â Kola obliged.
Minutes later, Kola and his fiancĂ©e, Tomilayo, walked into his fatherâs study room.
âHaving a good time, my daughter?,â Kolaâs father asked.
âYes I am.
âYou and your wife are so hospitable.
âI pray that Kola and I can emulate your marriage.
âYou are an admirable couple,â answered KolaâsÂ fiancĂ©e.
âI am delighted to have you as my daughter.
âThis is your home, youâre welcome anytime,â said father.
They sat down.
âThank you dad.â
âSo, I hear you want to spend N3.6 million for your wedding and you need me to help with N800,000?,â asked father.
âYes, we will greatly appreciate,â said the fiancĂ©e.
âThe wedding will be at the Total Garden, Ibadan in about six months time,â said Kola.
âWhy do you want to have a big wedding?,â father asked.
âWell, itâs our big day.
âSheâs always dreamt of a big wedding,â Kola replied.
âHave you dreamt of a big wedding or a strong marriage?,â the father asked the fiancĂ©e.
âWhen you put it that way, itâs more of a strong marriage,â said the fiancĂ©e.
âYouâve answered wisely.
âSo who do you expect to come for your wedding?,â asked the father.
âFriends and relatives.
âAbout seven hundred people,â answered Kola.
âHow many true friends do you really have?
âI mean friends who have been tried and tested to be there for you through thick and thin?,â asked the father.
Kola and Tomilayo looked at each other.
âCountable,â the fiancĂ©e answered.
âSo who are these other people who will come to your wedding?,â asked the father.
âOK. Letâs go to the relatives.
âI know you love your relatives, but how many are really close to you?
âYou barely talk with the many relatives you have,â said the father.
âWhat are you trying to say dad?,â asked Kola.
âMy son, my daughter; why do you want to spend N3.6 million on a wedding, a one-day event, yet you need the money in your marriage.
âLook, you are actually coming to ask me for money, you will form a committee to ask people for money; all to show off and please people, who will not even matter in your marriage!â
The father continued, âLet me share with you my experience.
âWhen I married your mother, we spent about a million for the wedding.
âThat was a lot of money then.
âWe fed people, got stressed by service providers, just so that we put up a wedding that will win the applause of a crowd.
âBut as soon as we got married, the crowd disappeared.
âAll the issues that your mother and I went through, no one cared, even family couldnât do much.
âEvery one is busy living their life.
âWhen things got tough, the crowd gossiped about us, some even seemed happy that our marriage was in trouble!â
âI have seen this script repeated over and over.
âBrides get stressed on their wedding day, they canât even enjoy, couples being angry at friends who donât support them financially, the worst part is starting marriage in debt or struggling financially.
âDo you know a wedding doesnât have to cost so much, it doesnât have to be stressful, it doesnât have to be full of people who perhaps will never talk to you again?,â added the father.
âBut dad, what will people think if we do a small wedding or we donât invite them?â asked the fiancĂ©e.
âAre you getting married for people?
âIf you have a small wedding with only the witnesses who matter, will you two not be married?
âWhat is all this competition of who has a grand wedding for?
âPeople are competing on Facebook, in weddings; why this need to show off?
âYou know that money you are about to blow in one day, you can use it to invest in your marriage, you can start the process of buying or building a home, you can save up for the needs of the children you will have because you need money to raise a family.
âWhy not start your marriage financially healthy and not in debt?
âMarriage is what is more important than a wedding,â continued the father.
âDad, if you donât want to support us itâs OK,â said Kola.
The fiancĂ©e stopped him, saying, âNo my love, dad has a point.
âI actually find the idea of a small wedding not just wise and economical, but also intimate.
âMarriage is just you and me, not people.â
The father spoke, âMy son, in all the years you have been a man, you have never come to me asking for money, but now you are asking for money to put up a show?
âI look further, I look at your marriage.
âI admire how people come together in a wedding committee to raise money and I wonder, what if couples and people use that same energy to put up a business that will uplift families.
âThose members who will be part of your wedding committee, imagine if they become your investors, imagine if you build a company where you can make profit and feed your homes.
Kola and his fiancĂ©e nodded.
âMy son, I have longed for the day you would come and ask me to invest in your business idea.
âBut today I will make the first move,â the father said taking his cheque book from his drawer.
He wrote on the cheque then gave it to the fiancĂ©e.
âHere my son, this is a cheque of N5 million, not for your wedding, but as start up capital for a business of your choice.
âI am giving the cheque to your wife, because as Proverbs 31 said, she is to walk with you in building an empire for your family.
âFocus on your family, give your family the best; forget about the public and opinions of people who donât matter.
âBuild a future for your family.
âBuild your family on a foundation of surplus not debt.â
âThank you so much,â said the fiancĂ©e.
Kola stood up with tears in his eyes.
His father stood up too.
The father and son hugged.
âThank you dad for being a great figure and your counsel.
âI donât know what to say.
âYou have challenged me not to merely get married but to have a vision, a vision for my family.
âI donât know what to sayâ he said.
The father held his shoulder, âYou will make a great husband and father.
âI wish I had the same counsel when I was getting married, all those people I fed on my wedding day didnât add value to my marriage.
âIn fact, if I was to organise an event and feed multitudes, I would do so for the less-fortunate and those in need.
âMarriage is not for show.â